Revelations from the week...

There are probably 4 times I should have posted this week, but didn't.  It's been a crazy week...crazy busy with lots going on...good stuff...but challenging stuff.  Between personal transformation/restoration, ministry transitions and prep for the upcoming fiscal year challenges abide...but so does joy!  And this week good encouraging revelation seemed to accompany most of my days.  Here's some of the revelations.

1: I am not a number

This may sound wierd, but I think I always defined myself by some number, whether it was my age (too old at SDSU, too young in LA/non-profit world) , weight, number of classes (making me an overachiever or a slacker), etc etc....I have allowed some number to dictate me. This number is a reflection beyond the numbers...it's about the things that I allow to define me that are not my definition. I am 24... BUT I carry wisdom beyond that and am living a destiny that cannot be marked by age...I have joy and laughter of an excited three year old.. and hope that has no age.  And so 24 cannot define me because though it is a marking point on the journey of life, the number itself holds no life and cannot truly mark who I am.  But the Maker of my 24 years sure can. 
And so this week this revelation has brought me to examine, or begin to examine what I allow to define and weed out those things that bring no life that define me. that steal kill and destroy. 

2: God does NOT hold back from us. 

Thursday I had an appointment with Heewon ( the nutrionist) in Venice. Kim had something to do over there as well and so we set out together at 7:30 am to cross the dividing sea that is the distance between the East side and the West Side and journeyed on the the dreaded 10 to Venice Beach.  After our errands/appointments were done, we decided to head to the beach and spend some time soaking in the rhythms of love of the waves crashing on the shore and pray.  It was a good morning of prayer, lots of revelation.. lots of wisdom.. a couple encouraging and exhorting words... lots of God's grace and love.  While Kimberly was praying she said something that really stuck with me.  "God you do not with hold good things from us.  If you are holding back it is so that we can be ready for them and actually carry them/steward them well" (this may not be an EXACT quotation.. but the idea behind this is what she said... I'm bad with actual words, but good at remember ideas:) ).  It's a concept I have heard before.. that God doesn't hold back, but today, perhaps because of the journey of healing I've been on, I recieved it and recieved it deeply.  God doesn't hold out on us.  He knows our desires and he loves to fufill them.  It made me think about my own journey of singleness and journeys of my friends... God is not holding out on a spouse...if it seems delayed or differs with our time table it's because he's doing something that prepares one or both to truly hold the relationship he has in store.  I'm not conveying the message well---but I do know the revelation was to turn my thinking.  To set every desire before the Lord, big to small, and allow him to bring them forth in his season because they are only delayed for good, only to empower what the desire truly is.  "Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4---God wants to bless us, God wants to fufill our desires and dreams more than we do.  Trust his seasons and timings.  They are perfect. 

**side note: I challenge you to record the desires of your heart, whenever one pops up, and wait on God, dedicate them/surrender them to the Lord and track how he works them out, whether its shifting your heart from a desire thats not good for you or fufilling it in the wildest ways.  Example: Last night I wanted to party, bt didn't wanna be around a lot of people.. but I wanted the party atmosphere and vibe.  So, Kimberly and I headed out (at around 8 or so) to have dinner for the Sabbath.  We get seated and order and were having a lovely time and conversation... and then it happens.  A party of 17 shows up, and they were there to party... I mean bottle after bottle of wine...celebrating a birthday of a friend, laughing, loving, dining in a true Eurpoean style celebration of life (they were Eurpoean)  The Lord had answered my desire... THEN walking home we get passed by TONS of bikers (bicyclist not motorcyclist) who have music playing and are laughing talking, horns honking.. craziness... again the party atmosphere.  I know it seems silly and little, but the Lord totally met a desire I had... so try him! :) Big, little, life changing, or just something you want for a day, a moment... He delights in us, and loves to give us our desires...just as we delight in him and love to give him his desires (us)... it's a piece of himself he's put in us... it's beautiful no?


There are other revelations.. but they are still in the process of being sorted through emotionally... like the ones above have been processed on a mental and emotional level and are being worked out through living.. the other revelations of the week are still going through the heart, pulling up things that need to leave, breaking down walls that need to not divide, and sweeping out the dust that blocks reality.  And so I will hold those for another day.

know you are loved.  Appreciated.  Valued.  Treasured.  Adored.  Missed.  Needed.  Wanted. Affirmed.  Called.  Chosen.  Annointed.  Excellent. Special.  Loved. 

let me know about your journeys too... would love to be a part of them. 

Love you friends!
AZ